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NOTE: THIS PRODUCT STILL USES THE NAMES:
[ARTISAN, GUARDIAN, RATIONAL, IDEALIST].
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR E-MAIL LIST (ON THE LEFT)
FOR UPDATES AND NOTIFICATIONS ON THE LATEST
DEVELOPMENTS RELATED TO THE 4 TEMPERAMENTS.
 All
interpersonal relationships face similar
challenges. It is how you respond that
makes or breaks the bond. Relationships
should be about two people. There must
be a match somewhere–something to
relate around–whether the commonality
is values, life-theme, career, shared
history, type, chemistry, or philosophy
of life.
Keys
to Relationship Success
Each of us has our own definition of how
to relate, and the language of love two
people share so easily at some moments
can unravel at others. Many times, two
otherwise intelligent people believe they
are blatantly and obviously communicating
their needs and values, when in fact little
gets through, because each is working
from different core assumptions, interpreting
remarks and gestures differently, or looking
for an altogether different set of signals.
Even seemingly self-explanatory words
like passion and trust, intimacy and communication,
and commitment and respect can actually
hide tremendous differences. Each temperament
has its own language.
What
you can trust in a relationship is that
people will act according to their temperament
core needs and values, their type's themes,
and the life-themes and attitudes and
beliefs that flavor who they are. Even
when people agree in principle they go
on doing things differently! When there
are problems, you do not always need to
“fix” them or back off and distance
yourself. You can simply give the other
person more space to be who he or she
is. And you do not need to change each
other or yourself, only change what parts
of yourselves you show to each other.
Use
the guidelines below to help you understand
and perhaps discover some strategies for
your relationships. These are particularly
useful in bringing together the four major
ingredients on the previous page.
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Catalyst™
Idealists recognize
the importance of sitting with and
exploring their values and emotional
needs. Insisting they always "be
there" for you and not allowing
them space to discover other parts
of themselves may end your relationship.
Idealists also need to allow others
more emotional room than they themselves
usually need–few people are
as talented as Idealists in living
with and resolving conflicting feelings.
Support Idealists in any new quests
or interests with the understanding
that they will probably come around
again in time to revisit and reintegrate
the relationship. They will disassociate
from a person they believe can't
grow with them. Many Idealists are
strong on intimacy and are able
to “go there”–and
stay there–more than most. |
Stabilizer™
Guardians expect
a physical space and time set
aside—this shows you care
and want to include them. This
space in your shared lives should
be appropriate and long term,
not arbitrary, and time spent
together should feel comfortable,
not rushed or thoughtless. In
their desire to monitor and lend
a helping hand, Guardians can
also leave others without enough
privacy, independence, or responsibility
for themselves. Reconfirm each
other’s roles and ask the
Guardian to develop a new way
to delegate responsibility in
the relationship if you want more
freedom for yourself. Guardians
expectations are often quite traditional.
Many Guardians’ are strong
on commitment and may be ready
to commit sooner than others.
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Theorist™
Rationals prefer
time to think–a conceptual
space to understand what’s
going on. Ignoring their ideas without
listening or attacking reason as
a way to understand interpersonal
interactions, will leave them cold.
Rationals also need to make allowances
for others here. Most people do
not have the same talent or get
the same energizing feeling from
analyzing, maximizing and redesigning
a relationship. Engage the Rationals’
ideas and explicitly ask them to
come up with new ones if you disagree.
They may not go somewhere in a relationship
if they feel incompetent at it and
detest when others try to think
for them. Many Rationals are strong
on compatibility–two people
should fit into the big picture
of each other's lives with a way
to relate. |
Improviser™
Artisans
want space to act, and opportunities
for freedom and spontaneity will
keep them around. The Artisan
who feels trapped or taken advantage
of will be resistant and desire
escape. Similarly, Artisans can
become impatient when others do
not act fast enough or act awkwardly,
and in their desire to move forward
they may end up going their own
way or grabbing for themselves
the very opportunities the other
person needs. Artisans are keenly
interested in your motives in
a situation, and they want to
know what you want in a relationship
so they can give that to you.
They experience arbitrary rules
in relationships as unnecessary
obstacles and enjoy surprises.
Many Artisans are strong on passion
and chemistry.
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